Continuing on the story of Tinder and its nightmares.
Ian just moved to the Oasis from a nearby country. Turns out his uncle was here in the old days, just like we were. We had a lot in common and actually really good banter. Problem: I unmatched him on Tinder. We were texting and he didn't respond to me, as in he ghosted me. But it was actually because he changed numbers from the country he was living in to an Oasis number but I unmatched him on Tinder and deleted his number which meant I couldn't remember what he looked like when he started chatting (once he'd apologized).
He was settling in but was eager to meet up with me. Before I knew it, he had sent me cheeky naked photo, backside, back and all. No aubergine. But more importantly his face was in the photo. The photo did not disappoint. Ian was in amazing shape and nothing makes me weak at the knees the way a mans back, shoulders and arms do. I too, was keen to meet Ian.
Another man that's worked out my love for ice cream, so ice cream it was in a popular mall. We met early afternoon so he offered dinner too. It was all very casual and I was happy to do dinner. We went to a meat restaurant and he ordered a hanging beef skewer and me a steak. He tried to order for me but that wasn't happening. It was a small little red flag.
It was obvious he really was looking for a girlfriend, someone to hang out with often and he wanted to get to know me quite quickly. He offered up his beef, I meant the meat from his skewer. As in he wanted to share his food with me but as he was cutting, the beef ended up in my lap. Not his beef but his beef. Oh the innuendos...
I was cool about it but only cause it didn't land on my white top. He then asked me if I liked interior design shopping, shopping for an apartment. Yeah who doesn't like a bit of decorating, "oh good, maybe you can come with me and help choose because you'll be spending a lot of time in my new apartment". Gob smacked. How presumptuous. Strike 1.
P: "What car do you drive?" Let's just say its small.
P: "Oh well that's no good for IKEA flat packing". I beg your pardon? Strike 2.
P: "Ok, shall we get out of here and go and get our ice cream and lets add doughnuts into that occasion".
He paid for dinner. Ice cream and doughnuts was on me and not because I said I'd get it but he basically walked away when payment came. So odd but fine. Not a big deal, ice cream isn't going to break the bank.
We decided to head to the food courts to eat our ice cream and doughnuts which actually made me feel sick. Now I am a sucker for both of these desserts but not together. I just felt like a round bloated human, and kinda unattractive when you feel so gross and at this point slightly insulted human with his weird comments. We were people watching and kind of sat in silence a little which I didn't mind.
Until he said "shall we get out of here?"
H: "Where do you want to go?"
P: "We can go back to your place". Strike 3.
H: "Or not".
P: "Fine, we can just go for a drive."
H: "It's Thursday evening, the traffic will be a nightmare". Obviously at this point, I wasn't really interested in spending anymore time with him but I didn't have an escape route and it was still early. About 7.30pm by this stage. We walked round to the cinema and luckily, I repeat luckily, there was nothing decent on that either of us wanted to watch so I called it. I said let's call it a night and leave it there, we've already spent 3 hours together and I've had a long week.
His face showed shock and disappointment. I gave him and a hug and made a run for it. I called my best mate and "why didn't we have an escape plan in place for this, whyyy?"
I text him the next day and just said that I wasn't interested, it was harsh but mostly because I followed my best mates advice in just being savage rather than being soft and squishy about it.
Moral of this story? No more ice cream dates.
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