So having returned from Marbella to the Oasis with no stories of good aubergine being eaten. I guess I felt like I was on the hunt for some but also coming to terms with the fact that maybe I shouldn't be hunting at all and maybe my true love will come and find me lying horizontal on my sofa watching Netflix. A delivery man perhaps?
So it was Sunday morning at work, 7am - yes that is what time I start work. It should be a crime, I know. I had a message on LinkedIn (could you have chosen a more inappropriate platform to slide into ones DM's?!)
I had a message from a guy that I used to live in halls with at uni. I hadn't spoken to him for about 10 years, I dropped out of uni so I was only in halls with him for about 5 months in total. At the time, we were both seeing other people. He had a girlfriend who would visit often and I had my first boyfriend, high school sweetheart. We were randy rabbits back then because I had literally only just discovered sex and how much I liked it. (Not me and this guy, me and my boyfriend but no doubt he was too).
Dave was getting in touch, drunk, still Saturday night and he was home alone. He confessed that he has always fancied the pants off of me and that he would love to bang me. It was actually nice to hear after having a week of being cock blocked even though I didn't really find him attractive.
We caught up and obviously my deets were, single, Oasis and that's that. He was now married and still in the UK with a steady job. His wife had gone to shag someone else hence why he then slid into my DM's. Yes you heard me right, his wife had gone to fuck someone else. I couldn't quite get my head round it or accept it. I mean each to their own and all that but I am not one to agree to it. I had walls as high as China because of the Narc sleeping around, and that feeling absolutely killed me. Why would I want to do that to someone else? Despite them apparently being ok with it.
She knew all about me because of how much he spoke about me. I was his biggest crush and if he had his chance, he would spend the weekend in a cabin or in a luxurious hotel banging my brains out. It was a lot to take in on a Sunday morning.
He wasn't the only one who had a crush. His wife also had a crush and basically we are their hall passes. They are allowed to fuck anyone as long as they get permission (which obviously she had done that night) but it must only be once so she'd be returning later the next day. The hall pass/crush can be longer, a whole weekend. These crushes are fantasies of theirs and they have both been very clear and upfront about these fantasies and who they are with. The difference is whilst I had never met his wife, her crush was his best mate.
I have no words. What? Like what?! Why!?
They both went through my Instagram and she could apparently understand why I was his crush, she said I had good boobs. I'll take it. Thanks wife. But apparently sometimes she'd get a little jealous if he was talking about me or wanking over me. Awks I know but imagine how I feel. His exact words were: "sometimes when she's giving me head, she'll ask if this is how he imagined me to give him head". The girl is pretending to be me and she doesn't even know me. It does make me question fantasies and... marriage.
It was so random and out of the blue. I was a tad confused. He couldn't believe how much I'd changed since uni and how much hotter I had got. That's always nice to hear when I thought 18 was my prime age. He put me on this pedestal that made me feel like I was absolutely unreal and out of this world and he couldn't believe that men weren't queuing up to be with me. It's nice but its also so unrealistic. And it does make you feel like shit when what he is saying doesn't actually match reality.
But there was something that just made me so intrigued about the kind of relationship he had with his wife. Why do they do it? How do they manage it? Do you sleep with people you know? Do they want kids? Will the sleeping around ever end?
At least maybe I can continue lying horizontal on my sofa watching Netflix and not go for the delivery man but I'll just cave in to Open Relationship Dave #not
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