Emperor. King of the fuck boys in my life. Pingu returns on my own bloody terms. As in I caved and messaged him knowing that he would be coming to the Oasis at the end of September. Fool. I know! Will a girl learn?
Obviously on this particular occasion, the answer is no.
Emperor is a type of penguin by the way.
So I messaged him to see how he was and was he looking forward to his trip home? He was and continued to tell me about his plans to stay in Australia and save enough money to buy property, do it up and then keep that cycle going. Fair enough, he has the skills to do exactly that. But it also meant that he would be staying in Australia to get his permanent residency, something I knew he would end up doing even though he often toyed with the idea of not staying and dangled the idea of me and him like a carrot in front of a reindeer - me. (Don't ask me why I thought reindeer, but they eat carrots. Yes, I know. I could have totally chosen a rabbit like any normal person. It's not my day ok? Let me live.)
He talked about how hard he works and how he still thinks about us. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say and in hindsight, I was still living in hope that he was still thinking of us and making a plan behind the scenes to make it all happen. Silly silly girl.
He was looking forward to some time out in the Oasis. He then said that he didn't have anywhere to stay as his mate who he usually stays with also has friends in town so he would be resorted to the floor, "can I come and stay with you?"
Well if I didn't feel stupid messaging him in the first place, I certainly felt stupid now. "I respect that you don't want anything to happen with us and it won't. I'll stay on the sofa." Knowing full well I was still into him (I messaged him remember) and he knows 100% that I would cave into his beautiful smile and slide my clothes off and basically resort to the sofa with him. Sorry... didn't mean to share what was going on in my imagination there. It ended with me naked kissing him on the sofa cause that's what should have happened the last time but didn't. Ok moving on.
Honestly, I don't know what to tell you. I felt so stupid and I told him straight up, I thought it was rude he even asked considering his behavior towards me since the New Year. What happened, I hear you ask? Well I suggested a date for me to fly half way across the world to see him when there was some public holidays happening and he said "I'm meant to be seeing friends that weekend, can I let you know if it doesn't go ahead?"
Ouch.
I told him that I didn't think it would be a good idea to see him when he was in the Oasis and hoped he would respect this request.
Is it bad that I also hoped that he would be man enough to surprise me and turn up at my door? That whole week, I wondered whether he would. Exactly the way I did when I chose to stay that week I wanted to visit him. What is wrong with me? The difference this time is I wondered if he was actually genuinely in the Oasis.
In case you haven't done the maths, that's 9 months of hanging onto a boy hoping he would be my Emperor, my soul mate and bring me one big fuck off rock. I'm talking about penguins. But funny how you can relate that to humans too hey?
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