So to remind you what happened with Headband - the guy I met on a night out, who actually goes to the same gym as me, has the most incredible body with NO emotional intelligence even though he's pretty smart otherwise and has the smallest penis. It's been hard to pin this story because it seems to keep going. Hence the title. Head fuck.
Ok so... let's pick up where we left off which seems like a long old time ago, in the world where it was normal and Covid-19 hasn't got us all locked in our apartments with NO sex and no male contact whatsoever. Oh sorry, did I say that out loud? Yeah single horny girl over here - yohoo!
So last summer, Headband as a teacher had gone off for his summer holidays. I had written him off that 1. I shouldn't get attached because well he isn't even in the same country right now and 2. there is something about him that is kinda broken and you are not there to fix him. (Learnt that lesson the hard way).
We followed each other on the gram, he always liked all of my pictures. ALL of them. But it seemed he also liked every other girls pictures too. Meh. And then he posted up pictures of him in Monte Carlo. He said to me he had no plans that summer and on his last photo, was tagged a beautiful blonde girl. She was honestly stunning, model type babe. I fancied her for sure. Another reason why I was to never go there again. Not jealous but just not game.
When he returned to the Oasis after the summer holidays, I saw him in the gym and acknowledged him. I might add that in the beginning he would send me CrossFit memes on the gram and slide into my DMs and that. He eventually came over and caught up with me but he can barely make eye contact. He would look at me and listen to what I say but when he was talking he just couldn't do it back. Like he was shy and yet he's almost arrogant in behavior.
So from about September through to December, Headband would continue to slide into my DM's, probably gym related, the conversation would go on to dating and how he didn't have the emotional intelligence to do it. He can't read signs and signals which explained the two hours of no sex and just talking at my place before he finally made a move. He wasn't sure if I was interested.
"Erm, I brought you home back to my place?! Surely that insinuates I am game?"
Apparently not. Apparently he's had experiences where he's got home, (there's or his) and they've decided against it. Well if anything, they missed out on seeing his delicious body but the sex, meh. It was kind of fascinating. He talked about how much easier it would be if he was gay because he gets hit on all the time. He doesn't think he is gay, he has nothing against being gay. His sister is gay and married actually so he likes to joke that she can pull girls better than he can which is actually a fact that I think is an underlying issue with him. He said it's not that he isn't brave enough, he does like women.
He talks about how he can't date because he actually can't have a conversation although he was just fine with me. Although he didn't gauge that he was talking about himself for hours that first night so there you go. He is completely aware of his issues and he is even studying at getting better at it. But surely you need to put that shit into practice? It's not theory and a test?! You have to put it to practice and get out there but he won't date. He just won't do it.
No. I know what you're thinking. Go on a date with him. Help him practice. I thought it too but the thing is, I know I would fall for this guy because I am a helper, I love to make people feel good about themselves but I knew this guy was a fuck boy. Imagine dating someone who can't read your emotions and realize you need a hug because you've had a tough day. You'd have to constantly narrate what you wanted and let's be honest, girls like spontaneity just as much as guys like the slip of the finger up the bum. #spontaneous
Whilst this was all still going on, he was still pursuing me for another night in my bed. He said I was good at sex and you know why? Because if you remember, I stopped and told him to take me to the sofa where I could grind on him. I told him what to do. Because he can't read someone. Now we all like someone who tells us what to do during sex sometimes, but not in that way. Not because he actually can't tell whether you are enjoying it or not because he can't read you.
Are you exhausted reading this? Well let me tell you, this drains me getting it all out on paper. He was a drain. I felt like he soaked the energy right out from me. I had nothing left to give after, there were times that his intelligence and trying to explain shit just bowled me over and I couldn't do it anymore.
Anyways, I decided that yes we could have sex again cause I was kinda desperate. This was before the BBD. I swore I would never go back there, part of me was like why the fuck am I saying yes to go back to this. This is going to be the biggest head fuck EVER! But I was kinda excited.
Until I spoke to a male friend who I do CrossFit with. He is actually good friends with the Narc and was very wary about being friends with me until obviously he realized how fucking awesome I was and then we became friends. His name is Fwend. Let's name him Fwend. Well we used to laugh about Tinder experiences and dating and all sorts of stories, it was cool. I told him I was going to go home with Headband.
"You mean the guy who wears a headband in the gym? The guy who grunts when he's lifting? He's a fuck boy! Why are you going to go there?"
H: "I've already been there. It wasn't that good but now you've said that, you make me not want to do it."
I bailed. I told him I needed to see my friend which I actually did. Why was I putting him first before seeing my friend who I love way more? She isn't an energy drain, we vibe and put the world to right and she has my back the way I'd have hers. I adore her, so I bailed. Best fucking decision I ever made.
He understood and I just explained that I didn't want to go there. I didn't want a fuck buddy, I actually wanted someone. Now would have been a perfect time for him to say... I actually like you. But he didn't.
I am NOT saying I wanted something with this guy but for the amount we talked and the amount he pushed to get me to sleep with him again, the eyes in the gym, the conversation about how much he wanted a girlfriend and more. You'd hope that there would be something there. Nothing. Energy drain and nothing more.
We continued talking through Christmas, in fact it was every day. We talked quite deeply actually about everything and our conversations would make me laugh. It was so nice to have the attention. Wrong attention but attention.
He knew about me moving jobs, the big wedding I was gearing myself up to go to where the Narc would be there as a groomsman. He was kinda thoughtful and learnt to ask about me. But it was being constructed. When my mama came out to visit for two weeks, she would see the smile on my face from a message he may have sent and she couldn't understand.
H: "Mum, it would just be like the Narc. I can't fix him and he has issues he needs to fix himself. I have learnt that lesson already."
M: "Yeah ok, but... yeah ok, but...yeah ok"
I laughed at her repeat of that three times. She knew I was right. I knew I was right. And actually I realized that this actually wasn't doing anything for my head. It got to the point I was excited when he messaged and would wonder he didn't, if he hadn't. I'd be looking at him in the gym eyeing him and his body up and I knew that there were teeny tiny teeny tiny little itty bitty emotions there. Feels. And they had to go. Be gone!
H: Headband, I can't do this anymore. I am starting to have feelings for you that I don't want and I think it's probably best that we stop texting.
HB: Ok no worries. If you ever feel like chatting again or what not, send me a meme.
And that was that.
Or so I thought...
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