Max had started following me on the gram. I followed him back. I’d met Max maybe three or four years before on a cycle track in the mountains. I was with the Narc then and he was with his fiancé. A lot had changed for both of us since then. His wife was caught fucking someone else and he then started to see his client who was along the same lines and a bit of a bitch and he basically was mending a broken heart. A gorgeous Scotsman in fine shape, great banter but was also a rugby team mate to the Narc.
He slid into my DMs one day and so the story started to unfold. He wasn’t after me but he was after me. Does that make sense? I knew he would be bad news for me because he was kinda off limits. Off limits because you don't date guys who 1) are friends with your ex and 2) you're after a serious relationship and he's mending a broken heart, a recipe for disaster.
A friend of a friend nearly ended up in a threesome with him at a few months before so he was up for fun, that I knew. And I knew he had a heart to heal and I was not great with one night stands or fun so I had discovered; I was finally able to admit to this myself. There’s no ways he was looking for a relationship after all the heart ache he had experienced AND he liked to share.
He was very flirty and was very forward with saying that he wanted to fuck me. We had been messaging for some time. I had gone on holiday and come back and he was still messaging or sliding into the DMs all the way so when I got back, he messaged “I get off at 7pm, I could come straight to you”. I was thinking seriously about it but after a week of partying, a night flight and straight into the office, my boss had said I looked tired which was never a good thing, I really wanted to but I was mentally exhausted.
H: "As much as I really want this play date to happen, we are going to have to reschedule"
M: "Well that’s disappointing"
And like a switch, he turned me off. I got the ick.
The Ick by Lalalaletmeexplain:
The Ick is one of the most horrible things to happen when you are dating someone, or even worse, when you are in a relationship with them. The Ick is the term used to describe that feeling of being turned off by someone who you were once turned on by.
It was such a huge turn on when a guy was totally cool about it all and understanding. But for him to react like that, I was out. And I told him, you just completely turned me off saying that. And he was so apologetic and pathetic that I felt bad for him because no one can control the ick. It just happens and it might happen with the most ridiculous thing.
If you don’t know what the ick is, you need to start following lalalaletmexplain. She is glorious and she actually does a feature on how some people get the ick on the stupidest things and her absolutely amazing sarcastic response makes it even funnier. I am not even going to tell you some examples, you merely should follow her and wait for the activity yourself so you can see what I am talking about. Guaranteed giggle.
Anyways... back to Max with the ick. He was very apologetic and I was almost grateful this had happened because then it meant that I wouldn't go where I was not meant to go.
But he continued, he messaged everyday and then we went into lockdown. Covid-19 had hit the Oasis and we were in curfew and forbidden to returning to the office. Which also meant that any potential naughtiness was also on hold.
Oh but it wasn't. The more we messaged and the more he told me about me being his dirty little secret, the more horny we both got and so it began. As I tried to avoid going to naughty photos and I literally said "Ok we need to change the subject before this goes any further", Max had sent a photo of him tensing in the mirror. Black and white. It was sexy. I was in trouble.
I didn't give anything back but I was pretty happy with what I was given. Turns out you can overcome the ick. The next day he asked and I said that it's never fun when someone asks for it. An element of surprise is always way better and that asking for it, wouldn't get him. I know what you're thinking. Once again, my new year resolution was going out the window but in fairness, it was Covid-19 and there was no knowing when I would be able to get out and date again so... maybe that resolution should be saved for 2021?
We chatted a little more and I went quiet; I was then doing a home workout, it was my brothers birthday so before zoom and all's parties really started, I was ahead of the game on that one and had organized a hat party on zoom where JJ would DJ and we would all just dance and get hairy. It was amazing. Sorry so I got myself all ready, hair and make up done; two birds with one stone because let's be honest no one was doing their hair and make up to just go and take a nude, and I sent him a juicy peachy shot, black and white.
This is some solid advice, when sending nudes, do it in black and white. It is a winner! Really raises the standard ladies and gents.
"Fuck me" he wrote. He wasn't expecting it and of course as we all do once we are in the frame of mind and giddy from excitement of the naughtiness, I sent him another one but a cheeky boob including my smirk but nothing else. "Isn't it better when you aren't expecting it?"
It continued. The chat, the flirting, the pictures for a week and we both played over one another thinking about what could happen if lockdown wasn't a thing. Until it was a real thing. We were in lockdown for 3 weeks 24/7. Needed government approval and a permit to be able to move outside of your home. Honestly? It was mad. I was completely on my own.
So by the time April fools came around, we had been in lockdown for two weeks and instead of making fun with the day, I decided to send my friends doughnuts. Because 2020 was already the biggest joke and there was no topping it so I sent doughnuts.
Now I figured everyone was feeling the same as me about the situation and on the 31st March after a sexting session with Max where I was sent quite yummy videos of his dick, I asked him his address. I ummed and ahhhed about it but I thought fuck it, why not.
It freaked him out and I shat myself and thought yeah your reaction has just proved that I shouldn't do what I was going to do so never mind. He then gave me his address but wanted to know why and I just said you'll see.
Doughnuts arrived, I got a cute wee video to say thanks and then that's the last I heard from him.
So in an effort to be kind, don't.
Five months later when we could finally go out again, we were out with my friend for her birthday. She was good friends with Max, same industry, mutual friends.
So I saw Max for the first time since everything and let's just say his face was bright red. I can't decide whether or not it's because his girlfriend of four months was sat on the end of the table or because I've been sent videos of his dick but either way it felt like a glorious moment.
I was as cool as a cucumber until we ended back at theirs for a house party and I vommed all over his floor.
Meh I'm not perfect but I certainly proved that Covid had taken my drinking skills and that I was probably worth the miss.
If you do fancy reading more about the ick though, check out Lala's blog here: https://lalalaletmeexplain.com/2018/05/03/the-ick/
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