On the verge of being a cougar.
I was looking into a company that I wanted to get involved in, (work for), I knew I’d have to do some interning to gain experience. I decided to follow all the people in the company I knew on socials. Believe me, this sounds odd but it was totally acceptable. I even knew who their current intern was so I followed him too, he followed me back.
I was out with some work friends for a very VERY boozy brunch. Brunch in the Oasis usually starts at midday which feels weird when you are dressed up to the nines. Its ok, I wasn’t wearing lashes that day, that's only for an evening occasion. I believe one comment from a work friend was: “well you look different outside of work”. I was clearly over done, nevertheless I took it as a compliment.
I lasted until midnight which honestly is impressive when you think that is 12 hours boozing in high heels where the night ended in dancing. My feet felt like someone had gone to town with the stapler on them.
Luckily Saturday’s plans were none existent and I could nurse my hangover feeling sorry for myself in bed, sofa, floor. Horizontal. All ways horizontal. My natural body clock woke me up at 6am because who needs sleep anyway!? Only to find a sneaky little DM in my Insta.
“Hey x Hows it goin”
I was hanging, he was lucky to get a response.
“Better now I’m speaking to you hun… such a beautiful woman as you better not be hanging by yourself… it looks like a McDonalds breakfast and a cuddle is what you need hun… I wouldn’t like to see such a gorgeous lady be deprived of what she wants.”
Honestly, I was taken a back. I was not expecting this at 7am on a Saturday morning hanging out my ass. What a little flirt, absolute smooth criminal. Oh there’s more:
“Say the word and I’ll be there… with a dozen glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts”
From his Instagram, his face looked young and I needed to know “how old are you?”
“23” and he’d been in the Oasis for 3 years which wasn’t very long. I didn’t reveal my home address for the young faced smooth criminal to turn up at my door with a dozen Krispy Kreme’s shirtless, muscles bulging. I mean that’s where my imagination took me but the sliding into DM’s didn’t stop there. Although this story does for a little bit...
On the lookout for your Smooth Criminal? Why not just order some beautiful doughy goodness instead? Round with a hole in the middle. Sometimes just as good as a hairy, muscly man. I mean, that's my own personal opinion.
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