Hello balls?
Jedi’s are pilots, right? Relating to planes? Ok so you get my flow, Plane Man was back on the scene.
It’s July 2018. He was in Russia for the Football World Cup and he wondered if I was going to be in an airport near him considering the last time he was on a plane, he was imagining f*cking me in the bathroom and joining the Mile-High Club. I mean, I get his association there and I was flattered that him catching a plane made him think of me. The banter had always been really good between us and obviously, we were attracted to each other.
But. The break up bod was no more and after my birthday boat party in April, I actually sacked off the gym. I couldn’t be bothered and I realised I didn’t have to because no one expected me to and if I didn’t want to go, I didn’t have to. Woah… adult life is uh mazing sometimes! Until Plane Man came back on the scene and I had gained 5+kg and was the heaviest I had ever been plus I couldn’t fit into any of my trousers. ANY!
So, when the naughty messaging had led to photos, needless to say the confidence that I had, had kind of evaporated and I wasn’t feeling so good about myself. Those good vibes I had, they were non-existent. I still sent the photos. I mean he sent some back and luckily, I got the understanding that he was in the same cabin, but neither of us wanted to admit that we had really packed on the pounds since Christmas. Erm… hello, Earth to Holly. Christmas is when you are meant to pack on the pounds and the summer is for the bikini bod. Nah I didn’t get that memo… clearly.
But somehow, we managed to avoid that and before I knew it I was booking a flight and hotel to go and visit him for a naughty weekend in Sydney.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited. It had been 9 months since I had had sex. Last guy being the Narc. It was the ultimate ‘catching flights, not feelings’ activity. I wasn’t in love with this guy. Yes, I may have fancied him but I certainly wasn’t expecting anything more than a naughty fun weekend including breakfast in bed sandwiched by sex. What more could a horny girl ask for?
Now ladies, something I learned from my colleagues who travel often and know how to do this kind of thing well. Let me share some of the tips with you:
1) Book your own hotel. This means it takes the pressure off them. Do not stay with them, no matter if they offer it. Not. Worth. It.
2) Have other plans on this trip. Don’t make the trip all about him. Again, too much pressure. They can’t handle it, and… neither can you.
3) Take condoms and sexy lingerie. Justification not required.
I booked my own hotel, it was definitely the best idea. It gave me independence plus the idea of him turning up at my hotel room door was freaking hot. I had friends in Sydney so when I got there, I was going to text them to say I was in town for work and that I had a free evening if they wanted dinner and to catch up. I had condoms. I had lingerie. Tick, tick, tick.
My hotel was booked and could be cancelled as long as it was 24 hours in advance. (Thanks Booking.com). Our texting had kind of faded a little bit in the week leading up to my flight but he had said that he was working up until 10pm most evenings and it was just very full on at work at the moment. (Hindsight - these are all red flags).
On the Tuesday (I was flying out on the Thursday), I received a text saying “I’m sorry I just realised that I need to attend my friend’s engagement party this weekend”.
In plain English: he was bailing.
Hello? Balls just called, they’d like to know if you want a pair?
I was gutted. I just wanted a naughty weekend that happened to fall on what would have been the 5th anniversary of me and the Narc but it all crashed and burned. I spoke to my brother about it. Yes, get over it, we talk about shit like this and he said that some people just can’t follow through. That they feel the expectations are too high and they can’t perform to the level that they have been portraying.
I was the one about to fly 14 hours across the globe. All he had to do was show up and make sure his dick was hard. I didn’t think it was that difficult.
Obviously, it was. For those of you who wanted to know. I responded to his text with: “that’s cool, you know where to find me”. I didn’t give away too much, I didn’t want to. I chose to play it cool and not the outraged devastated and horny human that I was. I mean his choices were either finding me in my hotel room in Sydney because he knew what hotel I had booked or finding me still in the Oasis.
I cancelled my hotel, stayed in the Oasis and we never spoke again.
Moral of this story? Have low expectations. Always. No matter what the occasion is. Meaning you never get disappointed.
If you do however want to book a naughty weekend away, book it here. At least you can cancel it within 48 hours if you need to.
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